The Winter Solider
by A.J.YoungAwesome
Summary: After six months of running The winter soldier knew he was done, Hydra hadn't come, his handler was dead and he felt himself quickly following. He wanted to end the pain he felt, the constant voice of James Buchanan Barnes in his head was driving him to the grave. He just wanted silence, he need silence, enter Steve and the Avengers.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

They called themselves 'The Avengers' protects of this world and yet they couldn't even sneak up on a wounded ex-hydra assassin who up until a six months ago was a dead veteran hero. _Pathetic_ , he thought this world is truly going to the dogs. He would have snuck away ten minute ago when he first saw them arrive, all geared up and ready to take down a dangerous man.

He scoff at the thought.

He could barely grip his knife yet along stand, if they were expecting a fight they'll be deeply disappointed. At first his cuts were superficial but the problem with being a human is that they're weak and prone to infection if not checked. Hydra usually checks me, I wasn't to know and now everything hurts. Things are swollen, nausea quickly followed when my wounds turned black and my vision with and without the mask is double. Hydra did not come, I waited and waited. No one tracked me down, the return base was desolate and my handler according to newspapers is dead. I estimate I'll be next, no Hydra means no fist of Hydra. Which brings me to here and now, this was the thing I wanted to see one last time before I died.

"James Buchanan Barnes" or "Bucky", the old me, I look up at the old image of me and I feel nothing but I smile softly anyway. I remember him like a dream, pieces are blurry but he's there in my head taking up residency and messing with everything I though I once knew. Hydra took him from me, he hit me like a two ton truck on my third month of waiting, the pain was nothing compared to what I'm experiencing now but at the time it was excruciating. One minute I was training with my knife the next I'm swarmed with everything him. The smell of his preferred morning coffee, the warmth of different women under him, on him and around him, the warm feeling he used to get when he took women dancing, even the shivers from a cold breeze wherever the hell he was at that time. He had much shorter hair then, but he was still as handsome as ever, something that he knew from experience was more of a curse than a blessing.

"Bucky?"

He had to stifle the sigh that came to his lip when he finally approached. They'd been watching him forever, apparently he didn't look like a threat judging by the lowered weapons.

Steve Rogers, ex-best friend, enemy of Hydra, Shield Agent and Captain America. Six months since he pulled Steve out of the water saving his life in the process, he did It for the other him and now he's been searching for him ever since. With no clue what it was he could possible want he kept avoiding him and his sad looking team of colorful but damaged individuals.

"Steve"

He took that as a sign of something because his next step was sitting down on the wooden bench next to him, he noticed in his peripherals the others were on alert for sudden movement at the point.

"I've been looking for you?"

"You've found me"

He ran his hands through his blond locks messing them up in the process, then turned to fully face him.

"Why are you here Buck? Six months I've been trying to find you and suddenly you just stop here, of all places"

"Do we need to waste time on small talk, get to the point of your possessive stalking Steve?"

"You're my best friend Buck-"

"-Was your best friend, Steve."

"You still are in my eye and I want to help you"

"I'm not the same guy that used to be your best friend and sidekick in stupid shit, I'm a different person and you're only going to be disappointed when you realize that yourself."

"Either way you still need help, if you don't come with us, you'll be running from Shield and Hydra for the rest of your life."

"Your Shield" I point out, holding in the need to vomit.

"Yes I am, but we can keep Fury from having you captured and locked away if you co-operate and come with us. We have a doctor who can help you and people who would love to help save you"

"I'm past the point of saving, I just want to be left alone to sit here."

"No one's past the point of saving Bucky, and even if you were I'm with you to the end of the line"

The last part was said in a soft whisper as his emotions clouded him. I went to reply when the urge to throw up was too strong and I fell to my hands and knees as I chocked up blood.

"BUCKY!"

The last thing I saw was the avengers rapidly approaching as I fell to my side and darkness took over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"He looks … peaceful?"

"He looks a mess"

"Should we shave him? I feel like we should shave him"

"Yeah that's a great idea Stark, the first thing he sees when he wakes up out of a medically induced coma is a shield agent holding a knife over his face. Brilliant idea"

"Remind me again why I let you stay here Romanoff? Your snarky tone sometimes makes me forget"

"Guys, stop! Now is really not the time, Bucky needs us"

"I'm trying to decide what's worse" at my words all noise other than the occasional beeping stops, I don't have to open my eyes and look at them to know they've all jumped at my voice. "Being Hydras bitch"

I open my eyes and level the three others in the room with a heavy glare "Or listening to you three"

Hesitantly Steve took a step closer to the hospital like bed he was in, or I suppose strap down too would be the better word.

"How you feeling Buck? You scared the hell out of me"

"I see you took me being unconscious as a sign to kidnap me, tell my Steve" I say making sure to put enough venom in my words "how does this make you any different from Hydra?"

"I'm only trying to help you"-

"That's what Hydra use to say"

"You're sick buck! You need medical help"

"No what I need and what I _want_ is to be left alone, but you don't get that do you"

Ignore the croak in my voice I fight against the restraint even though I know it's useless, I'm weak. I can't break free, my strength is gone, I'm strangely tired and so far the only good thing about my body right now is the fact that I don't need to throw up anymore.

"Stop fighting the restraints and listen to us, if you don't like what we have to say we'll let you walk out of here, that is if you can make it to the lobby without dropping down dead." Romanoff snaps.

"Why planning on killing me!"

"No, like Steve said you're sick."

"Fine" I slump back down, my wrist were starting to bleed anyway

"You a very dangerous man, your Hydra conditioning and your military skills have Shield worried, you can either co-operate with us, get locked away by shield or stay on the run until your body finally gives in and you die. With us we'll give you proper medical care and your own freedom when we are certain you're not a fret to anyone. With shield you'll be locked away and interrogated every day until they have no use for you and just lock you away and throw away the key, and the third option is simple, you'll die. Pick one"

"Why should I trust you, your Shield too, you all just want to use me for something. Option three sounds like the best alternative for me"

"Bucky don't say that!" Steve cries, saddened to see how low his best friend had come. He clearly failed him.

"That's why" Natasha pats Steve as she moves closer to the bed and removes one of his cuffs "Shield doesn't want Steve as an enemy, if he can get you to co-operate they will leave you alone."

"So make a choice but don't take too long"

And with that she exits without a care in the world.

"Tough love speech, gotta love how she works" with a smirk Starks follows soon after.

"Make the right choice buck, please"

I scoff "I don't need you Steve, I just want to be left alone."

"I didn't say _you_ needed _me_ Buck"

"Then why should I stay here?"

"Because _I_ need _you_ "


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

It was hours later and The Winter Soldier was still up in the medical bay in Stark towers, Steve had taken off the rest of his cuffs and left him to think. Something that would have gone quicker if he wasn't currently being pestered by the voice in his head that just won't leave.

"You should stay with him, you can trust him. I always could"

"Shut up!"

"You know you can trust him, he just wants to help you"

"No he just wants _you_ back and _you_ just want to come back. Not happening"

"I am back, why do you think you can suddenly hear me after so many years. We've merged, I'm just as in control as you."

"They why are trying to convince me to stay here, why not just stay here"

"Because you need to understand that Steve and the Avengers are just trying to help, Hydra's gone and without their cruel experiments we're going to die. Steve just wants to help us, he knows we're not the same Bucky he grew up with and don't tell me you've not noticed he isn't the same scrawny kid we used to save from an ass kicking"

"He wants to save James Buchanan Barnes, not The Winter Soldier"

"We're one in the same and yes I could make you stay, but I want you to make the choice. This could be the best thing for both of us, you just have to believe in it as much as I do. I know you're scared"

"I'm not scared-"

"- but if you can't trust Steve, trust me."

Unbeknown to both of them Jarvis had been told to watch The Winter Soldier and alert the others to this, in the common room, Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America where all watching the security footage on the monitor in confusion.

"So he's not just a trained, unaged assassin he's also crazy"

"Stark!"

"I'm sorry I am the only one who's noticed he's having a full conversation with himself"

"Stark, seriously shut up. Everyone is this room is either an ex-assassin, ex-crazy or ex-unaged, so stop" Hawkeye interrupts.

"He's the winter soldier, talking to Bucky Barnes about whether they should both stay or go. How do we fix that?"

Steve couldn't possible comprehend any of this.

"Maybe he has a split personality that would make sense after everything he's been through." Natasha suggests as she watches the screen with interest. "He did say they've merged, maybe when he got separated from Hydra Bucky came back through but the winter solider had already began to define himself as someone else."

"What does any of that even mean? Can we fix this? How are we meant to fix something I don't even understand?"

"Steve calm down"

Hawkeyes did his best to calm him down, while Stark remained seated and quite, this wasn't his type of conversation. He didn't want to upset the Icicle anymore right now, he understood the pain of a best friend hurt.

"I think we should just leave him alone about this" Natasha suggest "they've merged and are both aware of each other and the winter soldier did say Bucky had control. I think with some more time they'll just become one."

"You _think_? _She_ thinks" with a scoff Steve runs his fingers through his blond hair and tugs hard.

"We need him to be comfortable with us first Steve, we'll get an expert in when he's ready. Until then don't push it"

Meanwhile back in the med bay

"I'm not cutting my hair"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not, if you want to stay I'll stay for now, but I'm not cutting the hair, I like it long"

"We look like a Dame!"

"I like it!"

"Compromise, you cut it and get rid of the beard"

"How is that a compromise and what's wrong with the beard?"

"We look scruffy, we're a handsome gent or at least we used to be."

"Alright but I'm keeping the hair"

"No, the hair is terrible"

"No it isn't, its nice"

"Please don't make me have girl hair"

"How about I put it up"

"Put it up?"

"Yeah in one of those hair bands they have"

"Or you could just cut it"

"I'm getting rid of the beard and I'm staying here for you, so I get to keep the hair"

"Ah, Fine. You win for now"

"Thank you"

"Whatever, Jerk"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The Winter Solider had been at Stark Towers now for one month, in that time he had yet to try and venture out of the medical bay. He liked it there, it reminded him of Hydra and his tank. He didn't have to do much thinking there, he spent most of the time lying on his back and arguing with Bucky who repeatedly said he was bored.

Steve visited on clockwork every day and tried to make small talk, when he got nothing he just sat back in silence and waited. For what the winter soldier was not sure but still the shared silence was nice.

"GET UP!" Bucky roared and the soldier flinched at the sound echo through his mind.

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Because we've been here for a month now and I'm tired of sitting in this stupid bed, in this stupid room all day and all night, you don't even sleep. So get up, go find a bathroom and clean us up. We stink!"

Reluctantly and with great hesitance the solider found the bathroom just opposite the med bay and look over the shower mechanism and with great confusion.

"How do we use this?" the solider asked confused at the colors dials.

"I'm not sure, try touching it"

"Touching it?"

"We're in a time filled with robots, our host literally wears a robot outift and your questioning touching a hose to turn it on"

"It doesn't look like a hose, Hydra was simpler"

"No hydra was stupid and they scrubbed us raw, maybe it's a high technology hose, maybe it has setting?"

"Why would you want a hose with settings?"

"I don't have all the answers!" Bucky snapped and the soldier bristled at his tone

With a huff he leaned over the white tub and started stroking the shiny metal hose, when nothing happened he sighed.

"Maybe you have to stand in it first, get in the tub"

Removing the clothes the avengers gave him when he arrived, he stepped into the tub and stood staring at the funny looking hose and waited for a reaction. When nothing happened he waited for Bucky to come up with another idea.

"Yeah, I got nothing. Get Steve"

Thankfully Mr. Stark had taken it upon himself to explain Jarvis to the Soldier he still didn't understand the voice fully but he understood the commands needed.

"Mr. Jarvis?"

"Hello Mr. Barnes, I am Jarvis. How may I assist you?"

"Where is Steve?"

"Captain Rogers is on his way up to the medical bay to sit with you as usual sir along with Miss Romanoff today, would you like me to redirect him to your current location?"

"Yes we do Jarvis, we smell and really need a wash. Can you have Steve bring some beard clippers too? I think it's time I beautified myself"

"Captain Rogers has been alerted to your situation and is on his way to you sir, is there anything else you need?"

"No, that's all"

"Very well sir"

"I guess we'll just wait now" Bucky said rather amused and so the solider stood, naked, cold, hairy and smelling rather bad in the empty tub facing the hose, unaware of the issue. And that's exactly how the Avengers found him, after hearing he wanted a makeover Stark had insisted he and Pepper tag along as Pepper frequently trimmed his hair. Falcon was visiting Steve when he heard the news and along with Hawkeye he tagged along too. Pretty soon the whole gang was on their way up and they weren't prepared for the solider to be completely naked and unfazed by it as they all entered the bathroom and came up shocked.

"I don't know how to turn on the hose?" had been the only explanation he gave to them as he turned and faced them in the tub flashing all of himself to everything. Falcon and Hawkeye averted their eyes, Stark jumped into attention and covered Peppers eyes as he tossed the solider a towel.

It hit him in the chest then fell to the solider.

Steve and Romanoff both seemed unfazed, Steve had seen Bucky in many forms of undress in the early years and Natasha had a great poker face and hid just how much she was appreciating the view.

"Jesus Christ, no wonder Steve described you as a lady's man. Cover up the anaconda" Stark exclaimed and everyone was slightly amused at the soldier's confused expression.

"I don't have a snake?"

"No but we do have a big manhood, high five Steve"

Steve chocked on a laugh but high five Bucky, he had seen Bucky and the Solider conversing many times on the cameras but never in person. It was amusing to say the least.

"Alright guys everyone out, I'll get him washed and covered then you can fix the hair."

"No cutting the hair, just the beard" the solider stated to Steve as everyone left chuckling under their breath.

"Okay buddy do you want a shower or a bath?" Steve asked as he folded up the clothes the soldier had discarded earlier.

"I don't know, I just want to stop smelling like I do."

Steve agreed having smelt the month old ass smell he was projecting, but hadn't wanted to offend him by recommending he washed far sooner than now. He quickly showed the solider how to turn on the shower, watching as the solider followed every instruction in fascination.

"Huh, I was right the hose does have setting" Bucky tone was smug

"Shut up"

"Whatever Jerk"

Steve just chuckled under his breath as he began gently rubbing the soap over every inch of Bucky, the solider watched how he did it and eventually took the soap and tried it himself dropping it every few times and mumbling about it being slippery before trying again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"-I'm just saying, Hydra might have done something like that to him"

"Tony, please" Pepper begged but it fell on deaf ears, ever since seeing James Barnes in the nude this afternoon Tony had nonstop convinced Hydra had surgically enlarged the man for their our pleasure. He couldn't wrap his mind around one man being that large. In all his playboy lifestyle he'd seen and done it all and even then.

"I'm just saying"

"Yes, I know Tony but enough is enough. You are strangely too invested in another man's private regions. It's beyond perverse. The soldier is here for peace and help, now drop it"

"Bu-"

"Drop It!" Her tone held no hint of teasing and Tony wisely stopped voicing his opinions.

Elsewhere down in the common room, Steve had convinced Bucky that the common room had the best lighting to cut off his beard and style his hair. (While still keeping the length! Calm down)

With Natasha's help she'd evened the hair to his shoulder in a nice, clean cut. The soldier was hesitant when he saw the new age razors, but with Bucky begging for the beard to be gone, he sat rigidly and still as the beard was shave cleaned off. After his shower and the new baggy jeans, blue shirt and grey cardigan Steve had given him, the soldier finally looked like a clean cut man and Bucky was in his element.

"Finally, I look less like a dame. I feel sexy again" Bucky beamed and everyone thought the urge to laugh, not wanted to ruin his moment.

"All you're missing is your dancing shoes and two lovely ladies on your arm Buck" Steve beamed, finally glad to see some resemblance of his old BF

"I hate dancing" the soldier mumbles and Bucky rolls their eyes.

"But we're great at it" Bucky replies.

"Just because we're good at something doesn't mean we should do it"

And with that the lighthearted mood was slowly fading until.

"Get up!" Natasha snapped and the solider did as told, if he was honest he liked being told what to do. This was new territory for him, having to make his own choices was hard for him to get his head around. Stepping forward Natasha wrapped her arms around the soldier's neck and tugged him to her, until he could feel every inch of her against him.

"Hello, black widow" Bucky winked and wrapped his arms around her waist, enjoying the fill of a women in his arms after so long.

"I am very uncomfortable right now" the soldier commented but was ignored as Hawkeye had Jarvis play some slow dancing music. Pretty soon they were swaying and Bucky was pulling out all the stops to charm Natasha with his baby blue eyes. Stark wisely twirled Pepper into his arms, trying to do as much damaged control after driving her mad with his penis theories. Steve sat back watching Bucky go and Hawkeye made no issue of grabbing Falcon and dancing with him. Both laughing as they attempted to lead each other.

"Is that a gun in your pocket solider or are you just happy to see me" Natasha whispered seductively into his ear.

"Completely happy to see you darling"

Smiling Romanoff came even closer if possible and discreetly brushed against his erection. Taking pleasure in hearing his quick intake of breath. He didn't remember their time together in the red room, something she knew for sure. Hydra had erased her from him one to many times for him to be able to, but she did remember him.

Every detail.

They had a past and she hoped he would remember her for the simple fact that, she never forgot him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Steve didn't know if he was seeing things but Romanoff was definitely acting strange, or he supposed _stranger_ around Bucky. At first he thought it was the results of seeing him naked or she was just uncertain about him after their time years back when he shot her. He saw the way she looked at him differently, as if she was taking in every detail and movement he made but more out of interest then suspicion. It worried Steve, he hoped she wasn't up to something that'll scare him away. He'd just got his best friend back and he enjoyed the moments he saw when hints of Bucky would shine through and he even found himself enjoying 'The Winter Soldiers' personality too, he was stubborn and miserable most times but he was still apart of Bucky and so he accepted him.

It had been a nearly two months since he decided to reluctantly stay and Steve had been the main person to teach him all that this new world had. After the shower incident they all decide Steve would be his guardian of sorts, until he got the hang of it himself. Teaching him to eat again was tricky, Bucky was unsure of the new look of food, whereas the soldier didn't quite get the idea that he had to chew before he swallowed or he'd choke. Something he learnt the hard way after Steve had given him a sandwich, left the room for a moment only to come back and find Hawkeye giving him the Heimlich, again the group decided if someone had to leave the room Jarvis was to watch his everyone move.

The really tricky thing was getting him back into a routine of going to the toilet.

He never though he would have to have that conversation with his best friend but some things needed to be explained.

"When you feel a tightness in your stomach, or pressure in your bladder and have the urge to release you need to get up and go to the toilet. If it's a pee you just aim and pee in the toilet and flush when done. If it's a poo, you have to sit your bare bottom on the seat and push, wipe yourself clean with the tissue and flush when done."

Steve had been embarrassed beyond belief but the conversation needed to be said, twice now Bucky had been caught sitting uncomfortably needing to use the bathroom and many times more he'd gone all over himself. Normally it would be shameful for a grown man to do this but as he had no need for bathroom breaks in years due to receiving all his nutrients through tubes he was having trouble understanding his body's needs once more. The rest of the team thankfully did their best to turn a blind eye to most of Bucky would be humiliating accidents, most times it was Romanoff and Stark who helped out. Both understanding how hard it was for Steve seeing his best friend this way more than anyone else. Natasha having seen Clint brainwashed by Loki and Stark having watched Pepper fall to what he presumed was her death.

Steve made sure to thank them profusely, he knew he had the best team mates in the world when no words where shared as they got to work cleaning together.

They stripped, cleaned and clothed Bucky, not everyone would want to do that for a guy they barely know.

"This is humiliating" was the soldier's first words after another accident in which he peed the bed.

"Humiliation is a way of life soldier, get used to it, accept it, move past it" used to her tone, the soldier merely ignored Romanoff, whereas Bucky rolled his eyes.

"You say that but it's not you pissing all over yourself like a darn kid" he snaps causing Natasha to face off to him.

"I've peed all over myself solider, I've been stripped naked, restraint to a table and sterilized and I've been trained by torture. Do you see me standing and complain about it?"

The tension in the room escalated at her words and Steve honestly worried for Bucky's safety right now, Natasha never shares.

"Well, do you!"

"NO!" Bucky and The soldier yells back in unison.

"I've been where you are, not exactly the same place but I still understand. And you know what, I didn't complain and let it get me down, I continued on and now look at me."

She gestured to herself "I'm saving lives and doing my best to wipe away the red and it feels good. So damn good."

Bucky swallowed, as he stared back at this beautiful redhead that was baring a piece of her soul to him.

"Killing was a job to me, something I'm good at but doing the right thing and helping, it's a way of life."

The soldier simply searched her eyes, recognizing that she was familiar to him, far too familiar than he liked.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"We can't do this Natalia, it is not right." The winter solider pleaded trying to ignore his growing need as the young trainee Natalia Romanova rubbed her tight supple body against his. After accidently kissing her one night during a training session, he had found her hard to resist. She clearly felt the same as she had hacked her way into his secure room, he had no bed here only a place to sit and wait. This had been no obstacle for Natalie as she tripped him onto the floor just as he'd taught her to do and straddled his body, then proceeded to strip him in fast order.

He'd been curious as to what she was doing with him until she stripped herself and he found himself trying to look anywhere but at her body. Her naked body that she pressed against his.

"Killing is not right but yet we do it solider, it is our job and _right_ now I want you in me."

The soldier didn't know what to say and his body seemed to be betraying him as his member continually pointed itself right at her as he laid still on the floor.

"Your body wants me" she purred in his ear as she learnt down and pressed her chest to his, the unfamiliar fill of her soft skin and pebbled nipples against his rough scarred skin was oddly comforting. As was the scent of strawberries coming from her rouge mass of curls, trickling across his neck.

"It does?"

"Oh yes, you're hard for me solider, you want me just as badly. Won't you be my first?"

"H-how do I do that?" the solider asked then frowned at his stutter of words, what was wrong with him?

"Place your hand on my waist"

An order, finally something he understood. Lifting his hands he placed one on each hip and gave her a squeeze before settling still and waiting for further instructions.

"Now the painful bit" she smirked as she tilted her hips and the soldier shivered at the feel of her gentle hand on his member positioning him along her body.

"Why is it painful?" he wondered

"Because you have to break a thin piece of skin inside me first, which I'm told hurts" she explained as she licked her lips in preparation.

"I don't want to hurt you Natalia."

"It's a good sort of pain, soldier. Don't worry it doesn't last long." He nodded "are you ready?" with one more nod Natalia took a breath in and breathed out in a long groan of pain as she slammed herself down to the hilt on his member. The solider gasped and shook at the electrifying sensation and found his toes curling and his hands clutching desperately onto Natalia's hips, as the warm wetness engulfed his member.

"What's happening?" he demanded helplessly as the feeling consumed him.

"We're having sex" she beamed with a painful smile. "Give me a minute to adjust and I'll show you how much better it gets okay?"

Once more he nodded and the solider waited patiently for what felt like hours in his dying need, until Natalia placed her hands on his chest and lifted her hips up and slammed back down again.

At this they both moaned in pure unadulterated bliss at the sensation, up and down she went and the solider found himself forgetting his training and orders as he clutched her hips and helped lifted her. Something snapped inside him, a sudden familiarity of the act and he found himself sitting up, spreading his legs further apart and kissing her. She gasp at his sudden change but went with it.

His hips thrusted up against her each time she came down as his tongue sought entrance into her plush mouth and began teasing hers.

"Oh god more" she moaned into his mouth and he found his hands moving, one traveled to her ass, grabbing and squeezing it as he slammed up into her. While the other hand came around slid through her drenched messy curls and stroked her swollen nub.

She went wild in his arms, moaning, scratching, biting and clutching him tighter as he played her body so well. How he knew to do any of this he did not know but at the moment the only thing he needed to know was Natalia was enjoying it all.

A tightening sensation in his stomach pulled his focus and he found himself groaning into her neck as he increased his speed and lost his rhythm.

"I'm gonna-"

The soldier angled his mouth back on hers and swallowed all her sounds as she seemed to come apart in his arms at the same time, the tightening feeling suddenly coiled and exploded in him until he was sure he had no energy left and collapsed back on the floor in a heap on bodily fluids and exhaustion.

"Wow" was the first word Natalia managed after an hour of lying limp on his chest, with his member still inside her but less tingly.

"That sure was a memorable first time soldier, thanks" slowly she eased herself up until she was once again straddling his waist and looking into his eyes. "It's a shame you don't love me, or else I could have been a truly lucky girl" she smiled.

"What is love?"

"Love is, hmm let's see how to describe love." She thought on it for a second "love is having emotional feelings towards someone so much that you never want them to suffer or die. Even if it means never being with them, you only want them to be happy even if you're not"

The solider processed all of this for a moment and then said "I love you Natalia"

With only one person to witness this the black widow shed a tear, it was the first of many she shed about her solider but the first was the only one to have every been seen by another. For she was in love with her trainer and 'The Fist Of Hydra' and she knew in a few more weeks Hydra would call him out on another mission and wipe his mind of her and everything else and her heart broke for that man.

Because even though she could do nothing about this, god help her she loved him too.

"I love you too soldier" she smiled back, just enjoying this moment before she had to sneak away.

And sure enough a few years later they crossed paths again and he shot her to get to his mark, then even more years later she thought him along with her team mates. One of them being Captain America who recognized him as James 'Bucky' Buchanan Barnes. His best friend who was said to have died a hero, as Steve had watched him fall to his death from a train. After that everything made sense, she knew she should tell Clint or Steve about their history but it was just that. _Their_ history. She didn't want them to destroy the one good thing she had in her life, the one thing she held onto for so many years because she did still love him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everyone just a super short one for you guys, I apologies for the late chapter. I've just started my second year of University and things have been stressful. I'm hoping to start releasing a chapter a week once everything settles down so please hang in there and be patient.**

 **Chapter Eight**

Steve woke in bed feeling trapped and without air, out of instinct he tried to sit up, to change his position and breathe only to come to the realization that he was in fact trapped. Pinned to be exact, by Bucky.

His close friend Bucky who was currently straddling Steve's arms and torso and using his metal arm to choke him.

"B-BUCK-" he did his best to croak out his former friends name only to watch in horror as he had no recollection and simply applied more pressure, cutting off his ability to talk any longer.

Thrashing about Steve thought not to panic as he did his best to disarm him, to push him off, anything to somehow give him the upper hand but it was to no use. His feet kicked out underneath the covers as his view began fading, edges of black creeping up on him. He tried to find perch with his feet and push Bucky up with his hips but the solider was prepared for that and simply used his other hand to punch him in the stomach, knocking the last bit of air from his lungs. Mumbling in Russian Bucky looked physically ill as he gripped tighter and tighter until Steve was sure his neck was going to snap.

He struggled and wiggled underneath the metal grip until a light shining in through his bedroom door followed by shouting was the last thing he heard before the darkness consumed him.

Jarvis had alerted the whole building of Bucky's attack on Steve the moment he noticed Captain Rogers rising heat rate, Natasha was the first to arrive into the room, jumping on his back and pulling at his arms from around Steve's neck. She barely shifted the solider, she'd seem him this way before mumbling like he was. Hydra had him.

She watched as Steve lost consciousness and screamed for Jarvis to get more back up as Bucky pulled her effortlessly over his shoulder and slammed her against the wall, where she fell onto the bedside table and crumbled to the floor in pain. Thankfully Stark and a few of his other iron man suits flew in and successfully managed to get Bucky away from the bed and Natasha as he fought the suits until Barton, Falcon and Dr. Banner arrived with a strong sedative that sent Bucky to the floor out cold.

They quickly restrained him, with him unconscious and no longer a risk, Natasha felt the back of her head and flinched, pulling her hand back she saw it was covered in blood at the same time as Barton. She only had a few seconds to register his scared expression before she too collapsed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

The soldier was frightened, that much was apparently to Dr. Banner as he monitored his readings in the med bay. They'd kept him sedated, dreaming and restrained whilst they dealt with Steve and Natasha. The super solider serum had him awake and healing within two hours, Romanoff was another story. Swelling on her brain meant Stark had the best medics flown in, as soon as they arrived she was prepped for surgery.

It was strange for everyone seeing Romanoff so, so defeated. the doctors felt it best to drill a hole in the back of her head and attack a tube to remove any excess blood and just wait for the swelling to go down and then checking if she had any sort of brain damage. She'd always had such a big presence, when she entered a room you noticed but seeing her in the hospital bed, he'd never seen her looks so small and weak. It frightened him.

Not just him, everyone, Stark was noticeably quite, Clint did his best to never leave her side, Rhodey spent his time helping Pepper with the media once word got out that one of the Avengers was in need of a renowned medical team and Sam was doing his best to keep track of Steve, who was torn between Natasha and Bucky.

All and all it's been a stressful couple of week, Banners had figured out that the soldier had been in an almost sleep like trance, after re-watching all the camera feeds. The solider had been asleep before waking in a sweat and simply walking to Steve's room. He clearly wasn't in control or aware of what he was doing, which meant they clearly had longer to go with helping The Solider and Bucky regain themselves.

"Dr. Banner? Maybe you should get some sleep" startled Banner turned in his chair to see Steve leaning over The soldier and brushing his hair back with his hand, these two were close once from what Bruce had picked up from watching them.

Steve turned his way, "sorry, I did not mean to make you jump. It's just you've been running back and forth between the two of them, go get some rest. Jarvis will wake you if you're needed and I'll stay with Bucky."

Exhausted Banner agreed, removing his glasses he rubbed his sores eyes "He wasn't aware of his actions, Bucky wasn't in full control" he told Steve as he dragged himself away catching Steve's faint reply.

"I know"


	10. Chapter 10

Romanoff squinted at the bright light assaulting her as she opened her eyes and took in where she was.

Med Bay? Why was she i-

It all came back to her, Steve's room, Jarvis alerting her, jumping on The Soldiers back, being sent flying, pain and then nothing. She remembered it all and right now she needed out of this bed. sitting up she ignored the sudden beeping as she right all the wires off of her and pulled out her iv line. She had the covers off her and was two seconds from jumping up out of the bed when a two nurses ran in followed by a doctor, Bruce, Clint and Stark.

"Natasha Stop get back in bed!" shouted Clint as everyone started grabbing and pushing her back down, she fought back even though she felt exhausted. A sharp prick in her arm had her punching the nurse as the sedative starts making it way through her body.

"S-steve, I-I need to go"

"Shhhh Nat its okay"

"I-I Have to, Soldier h-he needs me"

Words failed her as she faded away just barely catching a worried Steve standing in the doorway.

The Next time Natasha woke she found Clint asleep in the chair to her right, rolling her eyes she made sure to remove her heart monitor last this time as she shifted out of bed, by the time it began to beep and alert everyone she was already out of her room and searching for the soldier.

 **Miss Romanoff, you are still healing.**

Came Jarvis's lovely voice as she drew to a stop to take a breather. Man she hasn't felt his bad since Budapest.

"Where's the solider?" she huffs out

 **Medical Bay Room 2, I have alerted the others to your location.**

"Jarvis if you had a body I'd punch you" she threatened before starting back up to room 2. Thankfully she still had some breath left by the time she got to the room and was meant with a familiar sight. The Solider, dressed in grey bottoms and a blue shirt was once again asleep and strapped down to the bed. His breathing was loud and harsh, he was having a nightmare and no one was with him.

Unable to watch Natasha dragged herself the last few feet and landed in the chair next to him, took his hand in hers and held on tight, whispering in Russian too him before exhaustion claimed her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven,**

Steve was confused, no correction, the entire team was confused. First Natasha woke and tried to leave the bed, then the second time she successfully made it out without us noticing. Steve could understand not wanting to be stuck in bed but what he couldn't get his head round was why after managing to escape her room, would she go and sit with Bucky and hold his hand.

That was how they had found her, asleep in a chair holding Bucky's hand and when they'd gone to remove her she woke up and fought back. Short of sedating her they had no choice but to just let her stay, much to Barton's chagrin. They'd compromised and moved another bed in there and she settled down enough to be examined and given a third IV.

Steve knew he didn't imagine the way she would look over at Bucky before closing her eyes, she was definitely doing that and he knew Stark and Banner had caught on as well. Something was going on here but for the life of him Steve couldn't figure out what, he had guessed Romanoff may have taken a liking toward Bucky but that still didn't explain why she's so adamant to stay with him.

"I see it too" Steve turned to face Sam as he approached, they were both watching from the doorway as Bucky and Nat slept. "Either somethings been going on between then since he arrived or she's not telling us something"

"It's Nat, she's not telling us something. As soon as she's better I want her moved back to her room and kept away from Bucky"

"Stev-"

"No!" Steve stopped him from interrupting "Bucky has been used, manipulated and lied too for too long, I don't know what she's playing at but until I can trust her intensions are good she is to be kept away from him. "

Sam sighed but knew Steve wouldn't listen to anything he had to say at this point, when it came to Bucky no one else mattered.

"Jarvis, alert the team to a meeting tomorrow at noon, in the conference room."

 **Certainly sir,**

"Steve maybe you should get some sleep, standing watch like you've been doing isn't exactly healthy."

"I'm fine Sam."

"Really" his sarcasm was evident "When was the last time you ate"

Steve for the life of him couldn't remember.

"That's what I thought come on downstairs, let's get some food in you"

"I'm staying here." His tone left no room for persuasion and so Sam set off on his own to bring Steve some dinner. On the way he ran into Barton who had just finished eating.

"Hey, you got any idea what this meeting is about? Something to help Buck?"

"Nope, it's about Natasha behavior, its bothering Steve, he's not left her or Bucky alone since we found her in his room. The guys going to wear himself out at this rate"

"I can understand the feeling, I've known Nat for years now and I've never really seen her this way. I've seen her at her best, her worst and I've even seen her in Budapest and trust me no one wants to see her that way and yet. She's different and its worrying, she's losing herself over Bucky and I can't figure out why."

"That's what everyone been thinking, I suppose we'll all just hash it out tomorrow, but tonight we all need to eat, sleep and just take our minds off it for now."

"Yeah" scrubbing his hands down his face Barton nodded "I know you're right, it's just real frustrating"

Sam clasped his hand on his shoulder "Go get some rest, tomorrows a new day"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

The air in the conference room was tense, the somber mood was hitting everyone.

"Steve" stark started "I understand you don't like what's been going on with Romanoff but until she's fully healed there isn't really much was can do."

Standing at the end of the table Steve loomed over everyone and oozed confidence in himself and his abilities with the way he held himself, with such authority in his voice.

"I know that but I want them separated for the time being, keep her sedated if you have to and move her away from him"

"We can't sedate her against her will!" yelled Barton. "what the hell do you think she's even going to do to him anyway"

"I don't know, but I don't trust her" was Steve's only reply.

"now you're being ridiculous"

"Look Barton, she's either getting sedated or I will physically remove her myself. I don't trust anyone with secrets and the way she's been acting Romanoff's clearly keeping something from us." Steve's tone eased up a bit "Even you don't know what it is Clint, you're her best friend and you have no clue what's going on with her."

Reluctantly Barton looked away.

"What happens once she's healed, I can't just sedate her forever eventually she'll have to wake up and then what" said Dr. Banner

"He's right, we'll have a seriously pissed off Black widow on our hands if we do that."

"I'll take my chances Stark, when it comes to Bucky I'll do anything."

"And what about Bucky?"

Steve turned to Sam at his question "Sam?"

"We've discussed that you don't want Natasha anywhere near him, but what are we going to do with him? He needs more help than we can give him Steve, you must know that?"

"What I know is that he needs me, he needs stability and people to trust. I thought that was us, the Avengers."

"It is still us Steve but Bucky's condition is not something we've ever dealt with"

"I'm not giving up on him!"

"Steve" tony objected "we're not saying give up on him, we are simply pointing out the obvious. He's more than seventy years old and he looks twenty, and throughout most of his life he's been abused, tortured, experimented on and mistreated. Oh and let's not forget the obvious, he was forced to destroy anyone who got in Hydras way, including my parents"

Steve froze and his tone soften at the mention of his old friend Howard Stark. "Tony-"

"No!" Tony snapped "we're not trying to upset you Steve we're trying to let you know that James, Bucky, the soldier whatever you want to call him might just be a lost cause."

With nothing left to say and a hurt expression on his face Steve left the room, no doubt off to watch over Bucky. Leaving the rest of the team to deal. Thankfully Tony took the lead once more.

Dragging his hand through his hair he pulled himself up right and looked to Bruce. "Banner, keep Nat sedated and move her back to her original room in the med bay and tomorrow we'll wake up Bucky. Keep him restrained but get a clue at where his minds at."

"I thought you said-" Barton started.

"I know what I said but that doesn't mean we can just give up without fully trying."

At this everyone agreed.

"I'll make some calls about specialist in mind control, maybe Fury can help us out, god knows he owes us. Until we are certain he's not a danger to any of us again I want Bucky on 24-hour watch. When we can't Jarvis can."

With a shared look everyone split up off to deal with this, Clint and Dr. Banner worked together to sedate an unaware Nat. Distracting her as Banner injected her IV.

Tony spent the next few hours dealing with Maria Hill, who refused him clearance to speak to Nick Fury. It wasn't until he had successfully hacked into all Shields record that she caved and sent him through to an unimpressed Nick.

Sam went searching for Steve, doing his best to comfort him to no avail. Somewhere deep inside, Sam suspected Steve knew Bucky might not come back but he also knew If he admitted it to himself he would break. A man as old as Steve to have lost everyone only to find out he'd not lost his best friend, was one thing but throw in that he had also failed to save him and was now once again losing his last piece of his old life was going to destroy him. Sam suspected Bucky is Steve's last piece of humanity.

God help us all if he loses it, for his humanity is what makes him Captain America.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Steve should have felt some relief at seeing Romanoff sedated and far away from Bucky but instead the empty feeling in his stomach deepened. Today Banner had stopped Bucky's owns sedation and now it was just a waiting game.

Once removing his sedative, the group had agreed it was best that Steve wasn't the first person the soldier saw as he woke, in case it set him off again. Steve had reluctantly agreed and now he was going out of his mind waiting. Patience had never been his strong suit.

He was out of his mind with worry, he knew Bucky wouldn't wake up completely fine and back to normal, or as normal as he'd been since he'd come to stay with them. He knew it was too far of a stretch to just have Bucky back, the same punk that used to save his scrawny self from beat downs.

If was his fault after all, he'd failed to catch Bucky, to save him from the fall and afterwards he'd been sad and had attempted to wash away his pain in booze instead of going to search for his body.

Maybe if he'd gone looking for his body to give his mother something to bury he would have learnt the truth. He would have learnt that his best friend, was alive.

Was alive and in pain. For endless years while Steve slept away in the ice.

It was all his fault, what good was being Captain America? what good was saving innocents? stopping a war and at the time stopping Hydra? If he couldn't save his best friend.

He'd failed in all pursuits.

He failed his best friend and now he's not even sure what he is.

He failed Uncle Sam, he never stopped Hydra, he just made them more powerful.

He lead Zola right to Shield.

He failed Howard Stark, He failed Colonel Phillips.

He failed Peggy, the only women he'd ever thought to love.

He was a failure, a fraud.

"Steve!" the loud knock of the door pulled Steve from his poisoned thoughts, turning he spotted an anxious looking Barton at the door "He's awake"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

The soldier was beyond anything he'd ever felt before. He guessed they would call this numb. He remembered it all, waking up attacking Steve, fighting Stark. Everything. And now he was waiting for his punishment. He'd done wrong he deserved it. When he woke he'd found himself restrained and all he could feel was relief. Finally, something he could understand.

He had done wrong, now he would be punished to learn never to do it again.

Dr. banner sat in his seat a good space away watching as well as Stark who was leaning up against Banners desk watching and waiting with his arms crossed, he was wearing a bright red shirt with the strange word 'Metallica' written across it.

They were waiting for Steve; Sam had gone to get him so Steve could punish him. The tense silence was also filled with anticipation.

The sounds of approaching footsteps had the two looking towards the door, where's the solider stayed still, waiting. It wasn't long before Steve large presence filled the room, hesitantly he stepped towards the bed he was currently being kept in.

"Buck?" the soft spoke words had the soldier looking up at Steve. Taking in the man's worn down looking, dark circle under his eyes highlighting his fatigue; worry was etched into his facial expression. Steve must have seen something in the soldier confused gaze as the next thing he knew his face was being pressed into Steve chest as his arms came down around him, locking him into a tight embrace.

"Oh thank god, you scared the crap out of me you jerk."

Something inside the soldier made him bravely respond "I'm sorry, bitch" around him Steve shook with laughter. Pretty soon the heavy tension in the room faded away with what was left being an awkward silence as Steve refused to let up the hug.

"Steve, it's beyond weird now." Stark pointed out and reluctantly Steve released the soldier but remained by his side. Lowering his head, the soldier asked.

"When will I be punished?"

"Punished, why do you think we will punish you Bucky?" there was no mistaking Banners soft but firm tone.

"I did wrong, I hurt Steve. I must be punished to learn" he carefully explained.

"you hurt Steve, is that all you remember?"

At his words the soldier looked up "Yes, d-did I hurt someone else?"

He tried to think, he remembered Steve struggling beneath his hands, a flash of light, something on his back he quickly removed, Steve losing consciousness and then fighting Stark.

"It's not important Buck" Steve tried to brush it all off "Everyone is okay and on the mend and now we're going to get you some real help, just being here with us clearly isn't helping you completely."

"Help?" he'd been told he was getting help, being fixed before. It only caused him pain.

"A specialist for cases like yours, someone who you can talk to about everything you've been through, no judgment, no pain and all at your own speed."

"I-I don't understand"

"The specialist is like Dr. Banner. A nice person who just wants to help you not hurt you. Okay?"

"O-okay."

Steve smiled, beneath all his worry lines and all that super solider serum he still had that baby face Bucky remember from their childhood. "Alright, get some rest for now, I'll bring you something to eat and then we can see about getting you washed up. You're starting to smell again."

Smiling to himself the soldier eased up and relaxed back, Steve faintly heard him mumble the word "Jerk" under his breath as he left the room.

With a hot tray of vegetable soup, fresh buttered bread and a bottle of water in hand Steve walked his way out of the kitchen only to come colliding with a frantic Banner. Thankfully his reflexes had him hold the tray out to the side to avoid spillage.

"Dr. Banner are you okay?"

"I can't find the soldier!" he practically yelled and that was all it took for Steve to go into Captain America mode.

"JARVIS WHERE IS BUCKY?"

 **Sir, the soldier is currently in the med bay in Romanoff's room**

"Alert everyone"

 **Done sir.**

"Banner, go get a tranquiller and meet me up there."

With that they sprinted into action, with Steve meeting Sam and Barton on the stairs as they all ran up. Arriving at the right floor Steve took the lead charging further ahead and bursting into the room. Where they all came to a stop at what they saw.

Bucky was sitting in a chair next to her bed while she slept soundly and sedated. Holding her hand in his real one. Exactly how they had found Romanoff at Bucky's bedside, easing forward Steve remained alert and ready.

"Bucky? What are you doing in here?"

Without turning he said "I know her"

Sam edged round to the other side of the bed "Of course you do, you've already met her Bucky its Natasha"

Not taking his eyes off her he slowly shook his head "That's not her name"

"What do you mean" said Barton from the door way as he took the tranquilizer gun from Banner who had just arrived with Stark in tow.

"her names Natalia" Barton froze and lowered the gun much to everyone's confusion.

"How do you know that Bucky?"

"I told you, I know her"

"Okay but how do you know her? she's not gone by that name in years. Only few people know her by that name."

"I used to call her Natalia and she called me Soldier"

"when did you meet her?" Sam asked, sharing a look with Steve.

"I-I don't remember."

"That's okay Bucky" Sam replied "Take your time, tell us what you do remember?"

"we were in a room; I didn't understand it but she showed me how"

"Showed you how to what Buck?" Steve croaked feeling more and more uneasy as he spoke

"she, she showed-" the soldier broke off and shook his head, whilst still looking at Natasha analyzing every feature on her face "When will she wake?"

"she's still healing Buck; we're keeping her sedated for the time being"

"you keep her sleeping?" the soldier's eyes narrowed

"Just so she'll actually heal"

"You keep her sleeping" the solider said more to himself than any else.

"Buck-"

"Wake her up" his soft tone did nothing to hide the command in his voice "Wake her"

The events that unfolded before Steve's very eye will be singed into his memory forever.

Sensing the atmosphere in the room take a huge dive, Barton lifts his bow and fires off two stun arrows to distract the soldier as he charged forward and goes to shoot the soldier with the tranquilizer gun. As if anticipating Barton's moves from behind him the soldier deflects the arrows avoiding meeting the stun with his gaze. Ducks down and sweeps Barton off his feet with a single kick to his left knee. His scream of pain was heard as all at once the team lunged at Bucky to do anything, to stop him, to help Barton if possible but it was all for nothing.

Grabbing a pained Barton from the floor, Bucky twists him round to face us in his arms and digs the sharp fingers of his metal arm deep into Barton's neck, drawing blood and more pained sounds from Barton.

"Get back!" he barked and pushed his fingers further into his neck, too close to his jugular for comfort, the team took note of the blood slowly trailing out of the corners of Barton's mouth.

"Bucky, just think about this" Steve tried to plead but he was dismissed before he was halfway through.

"Dr. Banner, wake her up or I will rip Agent Barton's throat out. Don't make any sudden moves or I'll remove my fingers the wrong way and he'll bleed out before you can save him" at this moment in time Steve was frightened.

He'd had to fight the soldier before and had seen his skills then but now at this moment in time he was getting a glimpse into just how ruthless and dangerous Hydras asset truly was.

Dr. Banner looked for help but found a shared look among everyone, they had no choice.

"Dr. Banner wake her up" Was all Stark said for Bruce to get to work.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Natasha was dizzy, she recognized the symptom's she was feeling. She had been sedated. Son of a bitch. Someone was going to pay for this.

Opening her eyes, she thought against the burning from the bright lights and blink several times before she could fully take in the silhouettes around her.

"Who sedated me?" she croaked. _God, was that her voice?_

"Natalia?"

She froze, it had been far too long since she'd been called that and even longer since she'd heard that tone directed towards her.

"My Soldier?"

Turning her head, she finally took in the scene around her, her heavy body fighting to get into defensive mode at the sight of the soldier holding a wounded Barton by his neck, his fingers digging sharply into him drawing a lot of steady leaking blood.

"What are you doing?"

"They were drugging you, I had them wake you" he explained like that made up for the scene she was currently waking up to.

She was torn a part of her wanted to help Barton but another part recognized her soldier was back.

"Let him go Soldier" at his hesitation she added "I'm awake now and they aren't going to do anything are you" her tone left no room for them to argue. Agreeing murmurs spread throughout the room.

Reluctantly the solider carefully removed his embedded fingers from Barton's neck, Barton groaned aloud and Sam was quick to move forward and catch him pulling him back to them. Banner went to work on applying pressure to his neck.

"Go" Steve said to them "Stark and I can handle this"

With a nod Banner and Sam helped a wounded Barton leave the room. Pulling herself up in bed Natasha unattached herself from the machines, ignoring the beeping that followed as she threw back her covers and slid her legs over to the side.

She took in her outfit.

Whoever had dressed her in this ridiculous peach pink shorts and white tank top was going to get a beating when she was fully healed.

"Alright so what have I missed? And why the hell was I sedated"

"Ask Capsicle here?" Stark said with a warily expression.

"Steve?"

"We had a meeting, it was obvious you had been keeping secrets and I wanted you nowhere near Bucky"

"I see"

So clearly a lot had gone on before and during her sedation, it was clearly a group effort. It hurt her more than she'd like to know that they had gone behind her back instead of just talking to her. Even Barton.

"You guys didn't think to just ask me?" she did her best to hide the hurt in her voice but with the way Steve's expression soften she knew she had failed.

"If you were going to tell us you would have already, I'm sorry Natasha but when it came to Bucky I couldn't trust you"

The soldier himself was motionless, facing Natasha, looking at her every move and detail. She couldn't help herself.

"Do you remember me?"

"I think so" but he didn't sound certain.

"It's okay soldier, we got all the time in the world"

And they did, they finally did.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

To say everyone was uncomfortable was an understatement, Steve had left Natasha and Bucky to it, decided another meeting with the team was much needed. They need a plan of attack.

Natasha took the time to talk to her solider, leaning forward off the edge of the bed she grabbed his human hand in hers and tugged him closer, obediently he came forward. Everything about her was familiar and comforting to him, even if he didn't completely understand why.

Curving her hand around his she marveled in the size difference, noting his hand looked as similar as it has before, rough and cracked beneath hers.

"What do you remember Solider?" she asked licking her suddenly dry lips.

"W-we were friends?"

"Sort of" a lie by omission

"What else Natalia?"

"You were my trainer, my crush, my friend and for a short period of time you were my solider, my lover"

 _My everything_

The soldier frowned, "What happened to us?"

"The same thing that always happened, Hydra wiped your mind and moved you on soon after. We never got to fully happened, the next time I saw you, you were shooting through me to kill my charge." She explained "a part of me was so happy to see you alive, but then I realized you hadn't aged."

That had been one of the worst moments of her life when she saw him, still looking twenty something, as handsome and fierce looking as before. It broke her in that moment when she realized she hadn't fully understood what The Fist of Hydra truly was.

The more she found out under the guise of helping Steve the more she hated herself for not doing something or searching for him sooner. When they had found him or more he let them find him, she had since accepted he would never remember her and was to be watching him from a far for the rest of her life. But now he knew her name, her real name.

"You shouldn't have hurt Barton solider, the guys will trust you even less now"

"Then we leave Natalia, we've come back to each other now, we can go"

A part of her was excited at that prospect, but another part the realistic side of her knew it wouldn't work.

"No solider, we need them and besides, who knows how long you stay my soldier before Bucky comes back. He'll want to be back with Steve." She tried to explain but it felt like a weak excuse.

"I do not want to be here with them, how can you say we need them, they had you drugged"

He had a point.

"A mistake on their part" she hoped. "they will apologise Solider, but if we leave now we'll ruin all chance with them for good. You need more help than I can give you" she pleaded.

The solider stepped even closer between her legs and surprised her by wrapping his arms around her, she tilted her chin up to look at him, leaning down he pressed their foreheads together.

"I need you Natalia" he whispered against her lips, his warm breath was sending her into a frenzy. "I just need you"

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life" his answer was instant and it warmed her lonely heart.

"Then trust me when I say it will be better if we stay"

He sighed, but she knew she had him. He needed professional help and as much as she wanted to be, she just wasn't enough to help him.

"Then we stay Natalia, we stay for now"

She smiled against his lips and enjoyed his light gaps as she slammed her mouth up onto his and licked her tongue along the seam of his lips. She was more surprised when he kissed her back just as hard, she'd missed him, missed his taste.

And if the thick bulge pressing into her hip was anything to go from, he had missed her too. Reluctantly she pulled back and grabbed his hands in hers

"Come soldier lets go find me something I'd actually wear and then find the team and get my apology." With a nod he helped her ease up onto her achy legs and followed her out of the room.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

 **Hey Guys, I apologies for this super short chapter, this will be the last chapter till the 14** **th** **December so that's two weeks' guys. Due to recent deadlines and Christmas fast approaching I find myself swamped, rest assured I will deliver a good enough chapter when I return. Until then,**

Meanwhile at the same exactly time …..

"Sir, the asset has been located. It was as we expected, the avengers indeed have him secured in their tower. Stark PR People where leaking false sittings of him across the country to throw us off track."

His assistant hesitated.

"What else?"

"Sir, he – the asset is with Romanoff, we have surveillance of them kissing"

"Kissing?" not this again.

"Yes sir, it appears they have reunited"

"That could prove problematic" he remarked. "It was hard to erase her the first time"

"Sir?"

"Keep watch, if a moment comes to capture them both, take it. I will have our asset back; the black widow will simply be an added bonus to our numbers."

"Understood sir"

"Hail Hydra" he smiled finally getting somewhere in this mess shield had made.

"Hail Hydra Sir"


	18. Chapter 18

p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"strongHey everyone I apologies for the late chapter, my tutor decided to push my deadlines back a few weeks and demanded more work from me. Ridiculous right? Anyway here's the new chapter, we will be getting back on schedule with one every week. I hope you enjoy and as always leave your comments below, I love to know what you guys think and what you would like to see more of./strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"To say tensions have been running high in the tower would be an understatement of mass proportions, Steve was angry at Natasha, Barton was angry at the solider, Stark was angry at Natasha, and Dr Banner was worried sick. There was a mutual distrust in the air after Natasha had received a reluctant apology from the team for being sedated for as long as she had. It escaped no one's noticed that the solider watched everyone as if waiting for them to pounce and attack. If Banner hadn't suffered from anxiety before, he certainly did now. His only peace was the time spent locked away in his lab where he had most of his meals./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"He couldn't take the tension any longer, neither could Pepper and Sam who had chosen to leave claiming to have been busy. You'd think this would be the beginning of a civil war, it was ridiculous./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"Banner was sure Steve was really jealous of Bucky remembering and choosing Nat over him, instead of just angry at her for keeping her and Bucky's past a secret. Barton, though he would never admit it was more hurt that Nat hadn't told him rather than mad at Bucky for injuring him and Tony, well Tony just hated the secrets. Most days he watched everyone from his lab on the camera feeds. Today was going just as uncomfortably as the day before, only it seems Natasha had had enough./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"Approaching Steve as he smashed his way through the ninth boxing bag this week she waited for him to stop and acknowledge her, when he didn't she decided to get his attention./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"Phew-/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"A loud shot brought Steve at of focus zone as he registered the bullet turning quickly to the source he found Romanoff watching with, a slight smirk on her face and her gun gripped tightly in her right hand./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""You shot at me!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""No I didn't"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Yes you did"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""I shot the chain"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Which is attached to the bag I was punching"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Exactly I shot the chain, if anyone should be mad it's the punching bag" she said as she holstered her gun./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"Steve had enough of this conversation, with a tight lipped expression he went back to punching the bag/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Was there something you needed?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you Cap'."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""I'm sure I don't know what you mean"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""I want this tension to stop, Bucky's on edge because of it-"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Don't call him that!" Steve finally snapped turning from his bag to face Natasha "Bucky is not yours and you know it, the solider is the man in love with you but Bucky. Bucky's the innocent guy who is trapped in his own head while you play with his body. So don't come in here acting like you have his best interests at heart."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Wow say what you really feel"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""When Bucky comes back, he's gonna be as disgusted with you as I am" he sneered "Now is there anything else you need, Romanoff or can I finish my work out?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"With a disappointed shake of her head Natasha left the room, feeling open and exposed. Steve had voiced her worst fear, she knew the Soldier wouldn't stay long and when Bucky came back she didn't know if she could take the humiliation of him hating her./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"Stepping out of the shadows Stark sipped from his almost empty scotch "Bit harsh don't you think Cap'?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Not now Tony" Steve whispered./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""I know you love him, can't blame you really, he's all you have left from your life, or past or whatever. But in a way it's the same for Romanoff, she went through something and bonded with the solider and then he disappeared for years only to come back and not remember much."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""I know that Tony but she lied to me, to us! what kind of a team are we if we keep secrets."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""A flawed one" he raised his drink to Steve "But a team none the less. Just cut her a break. Yeah okay she lied but she didn't think he'd ever remember her, she thought it was easier if the past stayed buried. Can't blame her for that"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"Resigned to that fact that Stark was right he bowed his head and headed out after Nat, hoping to apologies. Stark watched him go before heading back to his office, he needed another drink and some heavy metal./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;""Jarvis, get my playlist's up and shuffle them for the next three hours and order some takeout its gonna be a late."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"strongSir I'm being Breached I've put the building on lockdown we have intrude-/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"before Stark could react he registered the prick of the needle in his neck, a burning sensation and then lights out./p 


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Steve heard it before Jarvis even made the announcement, the sound of cocked guns coming up the stairway to where he and Natasha where talking. He didn't need to identify them to know who they were, Hydra and they were coming for Bucky.

 **I'm being Breached I've put the building on lockdown we have intrude-**

At Jarvis words, the agent gave up their need for cover and started firing at them. Steve didn't need his shield to kick some hydra butt. Jumping over the railing and down a flight he landed in the middle of the agents and threw out his best defence, the goal was to render as many unconscious as needed for interrogation later.

The sound of extra gunfire let him know Natasha had no qualms whether they lived or died. Dodging a knife Steve leaped sideways and threw his palm up into one agents nose, the bone snapped under the hit allowing Steve to disarm hid and slam him head first into the wall. Turning he slammed his foot into one agent's chest while leaping back and elbowing another in the throat.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw his teammate holding her own against seven, she was too quick for them to get a good hold of her and each time they tried for their weapons she had them disarmed and stepping back with a new injury.

-Gasping Steve dropped to his knee at the burning sensation in his leg, he had been shot!

Turning he power kicked the agent in the jaw and was satisfied with the load crunch and crack noise that followed as he dropped like dead meat.

"Cap!"

With a flick of his wrist he sent two agents flying down the staircase and was slamming another's head against the railing when he looked up at Nat. She wore a look of urgency as she shot three more down for the count

"We need to get to Bucky!"

Shoot! She was right.

 **Elsewhere in the tower.**

Pepper was just unpacking the last of her stuff in her and Tonys room from her latest business trip when she heard Jarvis, a little too late.

 **I'm being Breached I've put the building on lockdown we have intrude-**

Dropping her stuff, she turned to reach the hidden panic room Tony had installed after one to many breeches when a large male stepped out of the shadows and punched her in the face, she hit the floor hard and found the darkness swallowing her whole. All she heard was a laugh before she faded into the abyss.

 **Meanwhile, one miles away**

Clint and Sam where enjoying a much needed ice cold beer at the nearest bar when the news turned sour.

"Breaking news! The Avengers tower under attack, men dressed in head to toe black where filmed breaking into the windows of the building heavily armed, witnesses have reported shots fired repeatedly a few minutes after entry. No sign yet of any Avengers members. Local police are on route-"

Was all they heard before running out of the bar, they where needed elsewhere.

 **Also, Elsewhere in the tower.**

Bruce was in the middle of a nap after witnessing Steve and Starks finally parting words

"He needed more than a simple nap in his office" he thought "he needed a coma in Hawaii"

He was just about to fall into a deeper sleep on the medical bed when Bucky arrived. Lifting himself up in his chair he gave him a smile and gestured for him to have a seat.

"Hey, Bucky. Everything okay?"

Silence, the solider fidgety in front of him, unease radiating off him.

"Bucky? You know as your doctor anything you tell me has to stay between us, patience doctor confidentiality and what not"

The solider looked up "I-I umm,"

"Go on?"

"I feel like somethings happening or somethings-"

Jarvis interrupted.

 **I'm being Breached I've put the building on lockdown we have intrude-**

Bruce looked at Bucky who looked alert and ready

"Shit!"

Just as the sound of loaded guns drew their attention to the doorway.

"Fist of Hydra, you have been missed" one of the men spoke, his Russian accent thick.

Bruce watched as they fired a bullet hitting Bucky in the shoulder and sending him flying across the floor, stopping at his feet. The last thing he remembered was removing his glasses and dropping them into the soldier's hand before the other guy came out to play.


	20. Chapter 20

**So sorry about yet another delay my internet crashed, not been a good two weeks so far.**

 **Chapter Twenty**

"We need to get to Bucky!"

Shoot! She was right.

With a slam of his elbow into yet another agent's face shattering his cheekbone and sending him reeling back in pain Steve used that moment to jump up the bannister to the next level where Nat was fighting the last three agents off. Landing behind one he grabbed him by the neck and threw him over the bannister where he had just come from landing on four others who were in the process of getting back up.

"Come on Nat we gotta-"

 _ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR_

The building shook, lights flickered and the sound of smashing followed the roar that had everyone pausing in their fight.

"Fuck!" an agent remarked catching Steve's attention, who then proceeded to knock him out with one punched and a frown on his face.

"Watch that language son"

Nat just shook her head "Looks like the big guys up"

"Yeah and he's angry"

With a bullet to the last agents head Steve and Nat raced up the flights following the sound of carnage.

"When is he never angry!" demanded Nat as the rounded another flight.

As Clint and Sam rounded the corner to the avengers building a mass buildup of cop's cars kept them back, jumping over them was no problem, the chief who tried to stop them from entering a few paces from the door was a whole other story.

"You can't go in there!"

"What the hell do you mean this is our building!" Clint yelled in his face and the chief soon had three other cops backing him up.

"I didn't realize your name was Tony Stark!" the guy barked.

"Our friends are in trouble you need to let us in" reasoned Sam stepping closer but the chief was having none of it.

"No! I'm tired of you tight pants wearing superhero wannabees coming in here like you own the place and bringing all kinds of danger with you, I have civilians to think about so you're not getting in."

Sam to a breath and held Clint back with one arm "We'll then you've forced my arm"

Hesitantly the cops took steps back as Sam got a good grip on a furious Clint, braced his knees, extended his wing and shot up out of the sky, heading straight for a building window.

"Brace yourself!" he yelled over the wind in his ears to Clint and smashed in through the window separating as Sam slammed into a metal table and Clint landed smack again a wall before sliding down and collapsing on the floor.

"A. little. Warning. Next. Time" Clint huffed as he pulled himself up when the sound of carnage and gun fire reached his ears.

"Hulks up"

"Yeah, just once I'd like a break from this shit" Barton moaned as he pulled himself up.

"careful don't let Steve here you swearing like that" Sam teased.

Avoiding the Hydra agents running riot together they worked to find some weapons, Sam choosing to grab the guns from fallen agents they passed whereas Clint headed to the gym to grab his bow and some knives.


End file.
